2024 New Year -New You!
As this year begins, I am turning 60 years old. At 30 I probably thought turning 60 would be a milestone towards “retirement” but it is truly the beginning of my adult life. You see, in the spring of 2021, I filed for divorce from a 35-year marriage that looking back, was never really a marriage. I tried my best to present us as a happy family to the public, as I was protecting myself and my children from the consequences of NOT letting people think that. I had literally no idea who the man I was married to was until the last few years. And even as I figured things out, I still hoped for his change.
It’s funny how people see and know things that a wife would want to know to inform her to protect her sexual health and her heart. Why withhold that information? But I understand that people hope that what they witnessed was a one-time incident, they just don’t want to get involved or be sued or fired in retaliation. I get it.
On top of that, it is just plain embarrassing to realize that you yourself were deceived by someone. And that is also true of organizations and institutions.
Does a church want to know if an intimate partner predator is a deacon? Or if a wolf in sheep’s clothing is teaching Sunday School?
Does a school district want a guy that abuses family members in charge of children?
No, they don’t.
When justice happens on the earth, church leadership removes these predators from positions of influence. When school districts figure it out, they give the “kiss of death” by not taking action on the abuser’s contract.
My divorce was final in January of 2022. I left a lot on the table to get out quickly. But after the house sold, I chose to move toward family and start over. I haven’t stopped smiling since.
But as I continue to move forward, there is a need to look back. How did I get duped by this guy? When did it all begin? Where was the first lie that I believed? How did this trauma bond form? How were others affected by witnessing the moments I was abused? Where was God when all this going on? How is it that me, a Christian woman with a master’s in education, never understood – ACEs, predators, coercive control, narcissists, character-disordered individuals, trauma bonds, cult leader behavior, gas-lighting, future faking, love bombing.
And, most important, how when YOU are the recipient of this behavior – this behavior of others causes YOUR health to decline.
I have profound gratitude for those that gave me agency, supported me at the worst times, made sure a cop was in the parking lot of my workplace during my divorce, listened and comforted me, and just were good humans.
Thank you, thank you.
#domesticviolence #domesticviolenceawareness #childabuse #childabuser #toxicleadership #texaspublicschools #pearlandtx #wolvesinsheepsclothing #predators #predatorsinthechurch
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